After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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