Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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