i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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