I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
