It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
