Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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