i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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