Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
