I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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