Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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