he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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