His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
