I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it's great music for shaving your balls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
