my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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