I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
