Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
