Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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