they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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