Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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