somebody snuck up and got me drunk
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
