I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
