We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
