Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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