Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The best revenge is premature balding
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
