i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
