Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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