just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
