I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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