you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found your dick twin last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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