corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
