I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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