In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
