I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please don't give away my fajitas
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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