I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
True strength comes from lack of pants
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
