piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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