Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
