your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
