Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
