God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
