at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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