Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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