mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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