well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
