would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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