Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
