why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
