Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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