she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
