i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
