I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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