I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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