I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
