roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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